If we look at the most obvious examples of people with loads of confidence we may think of world leaders like Barack Obama, athletes like Michael Jordan or TV personalities like Oprah but high confidence and self-esteem aren’t exclusive to the famous. There are multitudes of highly successful people who developed confidence and broke through mountainous obstacles. The real question is: how did they do it? What’s the magic formula for maximum unbreakable confidence?
To answer this we need to do some investigation into the elements that make up unbreakable confidence as well as reveal the main areas of life where confidence shows up.
Although a dictionary definition will never lead to the physical experience or development of confidence, it’s a good starting point and will guide us in the right direction. The following is Merriam Webster’s definition of confidence:
- “A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something”
- “A feeling or belief that someone or something is good or has the ability to succeed at something”
- “The feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true”
- “A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances <had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed> <met the risk with brash confidence>
- “Faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way <have confidence in a leader>” “The quality or state of being certain: certitude <they had every confidence of success>”
After analyzing the components of confidence what I realized was that feelings, beliefs, states, and faith are all different levels of confidence, which corresponds to the three elements of Mind, Body, and Spirit in what I call the “Triad of Unbreakable Confidence.”
Moving beyond the dictionary definition, I conducted several years of research and discovered that even some of the most notable psychologists had disagreements as to its real meaning and application in daily life.
So I thought to myself, what is the most important part of confidence: what the dictionary says it should be, what the psychologists label it to be or what people like you and me feel it is in everyday life and why they want more of it?
My obvious answer was to satisfy the needs of real people who sincerely desired some form of confidence and wanted to improve their lives. So to get real answers, I decided to reach out and poll several hundred people from all walks of life, which then gave me an even more well-rounded assessment of what confidence really is.
When I asked: “What does confidence feel like to you” the most common answers were as follows:
- Strong
- Empowered
- Powerful
- Like I can do anything
- Self-assured
- Certain
- Fearless
Notice any common elements here? Have you ever felt low, disempowered, weak, depressed or uncertain and in an attempt to feel high or self-assured you overindulge in criticism, food, alcohol, drugs or sex because you just didn’t have a better solution?
Could attempts at getting high be an attempt to find
a substitute for confidence?
I personally experienced this pitfall when my first album failed miserably and I found myself criticizing everyone who disagreed with me in order to feel confident that I could at least be right about something. Of course, I’m not alone, as these challenges seem to be a common thread among humanity as recounted in the following episodes from previous clients of mine.
Whenever Doug found himself in a heated debate or a stressful situation he would escape to his car, light up a joint, then move on to the bar to gain confidence from a bottle of bourbon.
When Linda’s boss yelled at her for being late, in order to feel certain about herself and her job security, she found confidence in a box of Krispy Cream Donuts.
April’s parents never showed much love or affection. So in order to feel confident she was loved she would have sex with strangers who disrespected her and never stuck around.
Notice if any of these scenarios ring a bell for any attempts you’ve made to feel confident by getting high on criticism, food, drugs or sex.
In returning to my poll, I followed up with a second question, which was equally thought-provoking and asked: “Who do you think of when you think of confident people?” The most common responses were as follows:
- Super athletes
- Superheroes
- Super Stars from Hollywood
- World leaders
- Stage performers
But their reasons why they thought these people were confident were equally as interesting and came down to things such as:
- Being able to take risks
- Walking into the unknown
- Standing up for something
- Act calmly under stress
- Fearlessly taking action
- Ability to get up in front of an audience
Did you notice any common element in these descriptions? People with a lot of confidence don’t sit around hemming and hawing or procrastinating. The common element in taking risks, standing up and being fearless is “Action!” All confident people take action.
What’s absolutely crucial to understand here is that lack of confidence is not a problem, lack of confidence is merely a result of not taking action. This ties directly into our first big lesson in boosting confidence – the #1 reason why people don’t get what they want is lack of action. So remember this one:
Lack of confidence is not a problem,
Lack of confidence is a result of not taking action!
To find out exactly what type of action builds maximum confidence and self-esteem check out the recently released Get High On Confidence Book by Chad Scott Here.
