When you set out on a road trip and click on Google Maps the algorithm will query you for both a starting point and a destination. Similarly, when it comes time to build confidence, while confidence may be your obvious destination, you’ll need to get clear about your starting point. This is the “where you are now” part of the map or the roadblocks that currently crush your confidence or any hopes for building it.
Without this knowledge and self-honesty, you’ll most likely just get lost or give up. So as I list some of the most common roadblocks to confidence make sure you are 100% self-honest, otherwise the only treasure you may find on your journey may be a buried clicker under the couch.
The following are six main hurdles I call “confidence crushers,” which we all suffer from in some way, shape or form. Notice which ones you tend to fall prey to.
1) Excuses / Procrastination
Do you put off the action needed to start a new business, passion project, read that self-help book, write that poem, learn how to play guitar, create a masterpiece, exercise, find love or do something you know would be good for you?
Maybe you use an excuse like: I’ll take care of it later or someday when I’m (fill in the blank). Ever heard the expression: The road to someday leads to a town called nowhere? To this, I like to add: “Next to the graveyard of broken dreams.” If you fall into this trap remember this:
“The road to someday leads to a town called nowhere next to the graveyard of broken dreams”
Perhaps the biggest obstacle to building unbreakable confidence and reaching our goals is the excuses we make why we can’t have them. Problem is, we can make excuses all day long about why we don’t take action, but it never solves the problem.
As Anthony Robbins declares:
“The only thing keeping you from getting what you want are the excuses you make why you can’t have them.”
I once had a client who was single for years and always used the same excuse – I’m not ready. Naturally, we’re all guilty of this at some point in our lives. Personally, I put off performing live because I too came up with the excuse of “I’m not ready.”
Yes, preparation is key, but more often than not, the problem is related to that fear we mentioned earlier – the fear of failure and not being good enough. You’ll never really be ready for kids, performances, a new relationship and a lot of other things.
To get ready, you’ll have to fail a bit by just getting started with some small actions. We’ll talk specifics on this shortly. For now, take a mental note as you read some of the most common excuses below and notice if any of them sound familiar.
- I don’t have the money
- I don’t feel good right now
- I don’t have the time, I’m too busy
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not thin enough
- I’m not talented enough
- I’ll do it next year
- Anything else?
Dropping the excuse is the first step in moving forward, but in order to do this we first need to take a look at what underlies the excuse and tackle the root of the problem; otherwise, it will just keep growing back like a nasty weed that just won’t die.
2) Overwhelmed
If you have a lot going on in your life and feel like your brain would explode if you took on one more thing, just know you’re not alone. Most people are in your shoes and have no idea how to manage all their relationships, money issues, and health challenges while at the same time continuing to expand and grow.
3) Distracted from Purpose
If we retrace the history of the human species, we discover that for the majority of the time we’ve been here on Earth, our evolution has been driven by survival. Up until the 19th Century, food had been scarce and we were forced to hunt and survive through a multitude of challenges such as disease, starvation, famine, pestilence, and war.
If we fast-forward and take a look at the general atmosphere beyond the 20th Century, we notice that there has never been an easier time to live. We haven’t had a major World War in a long time; we have an overabundance of food (clearly evidenced by the highest obesity ratio in history) and technology and medicine have made it easier to live longer.
And as if that wasn’t enough, we’ve made life even easier by adding convenience to just about every process that used to take hours, days or even weeks, like buying milk, finding a date or making money with the click of a few buttons.
While we may face challenges like school, jobs, and family, most people do not have to face the major challenges our evolution once presented us with. Unfortunately, this creates a sense of emptiness, a void that cannot be fulfilled by simply dumping a bunch of food, alcohol, entertainment or toys into your life.
Why? Because those very challenges that forced us to survive challenged our character and made us dig deep to discover what we’re really made of. Effectively, they helped us expand our capacity into big lakes and oceans. This, in turn, showed us that overcoming obstacles and making a contribution to our clan brought with it a deeper sense of fulfillment, which gave us deeper meaning and purpose in life.
While most people are totally unconscious of this higher need for creation and contribution, it begins to show up when we do whatever we can to distract ourselves from the pain it creates by ignoring it. In order to silence that inner voice that tells us we need to expand our capacity and contribute, we reach for unhealthy distractions and vices. Notice if any of these may be a challenge for you:
- Overstimulation with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media
- Overeating junk food, donuts, potato chips, ice cream, big gulps, and other toxic food
- Overindulging in alcohol, cannabis, prescription drugs, etc.
- Pornography addiction
- Binge-watching Television
- Shopping overload
- Video Game overload
4) Ineffective Strategy
Having an ineffective strategy can derail you from building anything. Think about the definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing and expecting a different result.”
Hopefully, at this point, you’ve purchased this book and are simply looking for an effective solution, which puts you in the best position for building unbreakable confidence and making your dreams a reality.
5) Your Community
The late success coach Jim Rohn, who once mentored Tony Robbins, famously declared:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
If you’re friends, family and the general community that surrounds you have low standards, chances are you too will have low standards, which will most likely translate into lower-income, greater fear, poor health and lack of confidence.
6) You Just Don’t Believe In Yourself
If you find you don’t take many risks or shun leadership positions, this could crush your confidence in a heartbeat. This challenge may also reveal itself if you feel nervous when in public, being put on the spot to speak in front of others or being in the presence of someone who is physically beautiful. Again, if this is you don’t sweat it, as this confidence crusher, “not believing in yourself,” is all of us to some degree.
Solutions to The 6 Confidence Crushers
Ok hopefully at this point you are pretty clear where you’re starting from in your journey to unbreakable confidence. But what actions, strategies, and tools get you to your destination, in reality, requires an involved training manual. if anyone tells you they can help you become confident by reading a blog post they are either lying or just ignorant.
If you’d like to unlock wondrous powers you never knew existed, develop skills and abilities you never thought possible and feel the ultimate high of unbreakable confidence, I recommend checking out “Get High On Confidence.” This book will help in building confidence with step by step guidance backed by science-based solutions. Learn more about books to boost confidence here.
