How To Be More Self Confident? A Positive Mind With A Positive Vibe

You’ve now picked your area of focus from my previous blog and by now I’m positively sure you have chosen a mentor. So now, how can they can help you to be more self confident? Let’s move on to the next step.

Step 3 – Get Accountability & Support

While a good coach will hold you accountable and keep you on track, if you don’t have direct access regularly, either through one-on-one or group coaching, you’ll need long-term accountability and support from somewhere else. Remember Jim Rohn’s master mantra: 

“You are the average of the five people
you spend the most time with?”

Or perhaps you’ve heard of his most successful mentee Tony Robbins who declared:

“Most people’s lives are a direct reflection of
the expectations of their peer group.”

But Jim and Tony’s words aren’t based on mere conjecture; they’re actually backed up by multiple studies.

In one study on accountability by The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) researchers found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you commit to someone. Additionally, if you have a specific accountability appointment with a person you’ve committed, you will increase your chance of success by up to 95%.

To stay on track and push through the inevitable minefields along the way, you’ll need to actively seek out people to surround yourself with who are trying to learn similar skills. These people, which could also be coaches, teachers, and mentors, will help you stay on course by supporting you with encouragement, experience and knowledge no single teacher could ever provide. They’ll also help in holding you accountable, which will give you a much needed push when you lose motivation and things seem hopeless.  

Let’s face it; in the beginning, when you’re excited about finding new treasure, you’ll feel motivated and those first 10 dominos may not be so difficult. But 40, 50 and 75 dominos later, if you don’t have the motivation, discipline and accountability to stay on track, you may just sink into a comfortable couch and gorge yourself on pizza, ice cream and a case of beer instead of working on your dreams.

Keep in mind, when you pick people to study and work with, you’ll need to find ones that are around and slightly above your level of expertise. If for instance, they’re 3-4 levels beyond your capability, you’ll be playing catch up and potentially holding them back, which in turn could create a lot of resentment.

Conversely, if you hang with people who have low expectations for you and themselves, then you won’t get much accountability or inspiration and you may just downgrade your goals or give up altogether. Make sure you shoot for people around or a couple of levels above your ability level so you are challenged to expand and get the accountability you need to stay on track.   

Time For Action

To get accountability and support you’ll need to join 2-5 groups related to your passion on, LinkedIn, Facebook or other organization that has a support element online and hopefully offline. Again, check the reviews of the group and its members and make sure you schedule time to go to a meeting if available.  

Once you find an accountability group or partner, the most important factor in getting that 95% success rate described in the study from ASTD is to make sure you schedule regular check-ins either in person, email or videoconference.

If you struggle to get out of your comfort zone to find an accountability partner, just remember that these people created these groups to support people just like you. These people also share your passion interest and could potentially end up being good friends. And remember, if one doesn’t work out you can always try another. 

Over time, if you keep stacking small victories by simply taking action, those dominos will start to fall, and their compounding effect may be just the power you need to knock over the Empire State Building that stands in your way!

Go ahead and schedule this action in your calendar now. For example:  Find accountability group or partner within 21 days then schedule accountability checks-ins once every other week. Don’t delay, do this now!

Step 4 – Schedule & Practice

Ok so now you have some new things to focus on and you’ve scheduled them in your calendar, but keep in mind, without action and repetition of that action your results will remain the same – you probably won’t have any. 

As one of the pioneers of personal development Zig Ziglar once famously declared: 

“Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.”

Step 4 “Schedule and Practice” is all about action and the repetition of that action. And since action represents the bridge between your calendar items and the actual physical manifestation of those sparkling treasures you’ve desired for so long, it’s absolutely critical for your success.

One of my first real eye opening lessons on the mother of all learning occurred when I was first starting out as a singer songwriter. I had just written my first album and was trying to get some live performance experience at the various open mic nights across the city.

One of these first experiences was in Hollywood at a place called Canter’s Kibitz Room, where I quickly found out no matter how much I practiced on my own, once I got in front of a crowd, my entire body would start to seize up and become inoperable.

That night I’d been waiting patiently to play for about an hour but the closer my time approached the more my heart rate began to accelerate. Anxiety from the fear of performing in front of strangers put my sympathetic nervous system on overdrive. My palms grew sweaty and valuable oxygen was siphoned away from my brain and into my extremities, priming me for fight or flight. Not so good when you need to relax, look cool and remember your lyrics.  

When my name was finally called, it felt like someone stuck a needle full of speed straight into my heart and thrust me into survival mode. Long story short… I didn’t exactly nail it with a standing ovation. Instead, I felt pretty dejected after a painful sweaty slog through two of my songs, where I sang the same verse twice and blew out my voice to overcompensate for my inexperience.

But I stuck around that night and a little later a 250-pound, funny looking dude with a crazy hat got up and completely blew everyone away. He had so much charisma, so much expression and an abundance of… confidence! But how did he do it?

I eventually walked up and asked, “How did you become so confident in front of an audience?” To which he said, “Awe man it’s simple, it’s just repetition, I’ve been in theatre and on stage a thousand times.”

Naturally, I was waiting for some big lecture on how he had specific strategies and secrets, but the answer was really quite simple, so remember this one:

“Repetition is the Mother of All Skill”

But this repetition thing isn’t just for people who want to present or perform on stage and get rid of stage fright. Repetition of action is necessary for knocking over any domino including mastering a skill, approaching strangers, making money, meeting new people and finding love, amongst other things.

To broaden your area of focus, I suggest checking out the top-selling book Get High On Confidence by Chad Scott here.

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