Time To Overcome The Negative Things In Your Head — Gaining Back Self Confidence

On my previous blog, we’ve talked about how measuring and reporting your progress has a really big impact on gaining self confidence. On today’s blog, we’ll be talking about overcoming your limitations and gaining back your self confidence.

Ever find yourself contemplating taking action or buying something that you know would be good for you like a book, a training or gym membership, but in the back of your mind there was a little voice that said something like, “Are you kidding, you aren’t worthy, forget it, you could fail and people might think you’re a loser?”  

Ever find yourself cringing at the thought of getting up in front of people and speaking, even if it was at the dinner table in front of people you knew?

If you do, don’t worry, you’re not alone. As a coach, I see these scenarios play out on a daily basis in a multitude of circumstances in just about everyone I’ve ever met. Notice if any of the following scenarios resonate with an experience you’ve had in the past.

  • I was holding a group coaching session on confidence building one evening and needed a volunteer to coach one-on-one, but of the 78 people who attended, only two raised their hands for free coaching.   
  • A group of friends asked Phil to go on a surfing trip down to Mexico but he was a beginning surfer and believed he would just embarrass himself. Instead of going he stayed home alone, fell prey to couch crush and logged close to 15 hours on Netflix.
  • Carmela got a call from a friend about a dream job, which just started accepting new applications. But the job required skills slightly beyond her current abilities. Since she didn’t believe she could bridge the gap she passed on the opportunity and kept the job she hated.  
  • Aubrey felt she was being undervalued by her boss, but when it came time to confront her she believed she would just embarrass herself so she kept her mouth shut and harbored resentment for years. 
  • Dan was struggling in his marriage so his wife asked that they get counseling. Since he believed getting help was a waste of time, he chose to go drinking with his buddies at the local bar instead. 
  • Justin went to a dinner party at Thanksgiving where each person was given the opportunity to speak about what they were thankful for. When it came time for him to speak he panicked because he believed that if he said the wrong thing he would be rejected and left alone.
  • Pete was overweight and struggled with low energy. When a co-worker who lost 45 pounds suggested a new holistic lifestyle program he passed because every other diet program he tried failed.  

Now did you notice the common elements contained in all of these challenges?  

In each case, the individual had a ‘belief’ that they could not succeed at something and that any attempt to leap forward would lead to more failure, judgment by others and potential embarrassment. And behind this belief was another belief, namely that our abilities, skills, and intelligence are fixed and cannot be changed. But as you’ll soon discover, nothing could be further from the truth.

In this next leg of your journey, The 2nd Level, you’ll discover how to change self-sabotaging, limiting beliefs, which undermine all your efforts towards stacking victories and knocking over that one domino that will make everything easier or unnecessary.   

As master motivator Tony Robbins declares:  

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely
a function of our beliefs about who we are.”

Indeed, as we progress through each of the three levels of The Triad, we see people both famous and unknown begin to fall off the map of success because they never graduated to the next level. These people may have eaten well, exercised, stacked lots of victories and deliberately practiced the stuff they were bad at, but they still ended up broken, defeated, ill or dead from disease, drugs or murder. May sound a little dramatic, but… it’s true!

Below are a few examples of people who never made it to the 2nd level of The Triad. Notice how they turned a blind eye to the all important, personal development and mental mastery that you’re doing right now and as a result, ended up in the graveyard of broken dreams. 

  • Michael Jackson Age 50 – Cause of death: Acute propofol and benzodiazepine intoxication. While Michael Jackson made great music he accumulated a heavy collection of rocks and boulders in his backpack. Instead of shining a bright light on his fears and ditching those rocks he allowed his fate to be determined by others, including a Doctor who would ignorantly supply a lethal dosage of sleep medication for his insomnia.  

While tragic, it’s important to ask the question: Why did Michael Jackson have so much trouble sleeping, whereby he needed a physician assisted injection of propofol for 60 days straight to help him sleep? Do you think it’s possible that Michael harbored disempowered beliefs that created overwhelming fears and pushed him to give in to drugs and distractions, which then eventually killed him?

  • Chris Farley Age 33 – Cause of death: Cocaine and morphine overdose. I’ve grouped Chris’s untimely death explanation together with John Belushi’s since they have remarkably similar stories. 
  • John Belushi Age 33 – Cause of death: Cocaine and heroin overdose. As two of my favorite comedians of all time, both Chris Farley and John Belushi died at the same age from almost identical drug overdoses. Farley was often compared to Belushi and revered him as a mentor. 

Both were talented, practiced their trade of comedy and were at the height of their careers when the world was saddened by their untimely deaths. They also deliberately practiced getting up on stage over and over and as a result, had plenty of confidence when it came time to display their talents. 

Was their death at the same age from the same cause just a coincidence? Do you think it’s possible that they both had disempowered beliefs about themselves like: I’m not good enough, I’m overweight, I’m funny looking and I don’t fit into society?  

Is it possible that their beliefs led to a lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love, which ultimately led them to opt out of mental mastery and opt in for the distraction and detour that drugs offered?  

  • OJ Simpson – OJ exercised, ate right, mastered his skills, knocked down his dominoes and became one of the greatest running backs to ever play the game of football. Obviously, he never made it to the 2nd level of the Triad either. Instead, he became consumed by jealousy, greed, and anger, eventually resorting to extreme violence including armed robbery, kidnapping, and suspected murder.  

Of course, there are countless other celebrities who ended their lives in similar fashions such as Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Whitney Huston, Tom Petty, and Kurt Cobain. But for each death of a celebrity, you can easily multiply that times 100,000 for the common man or woman who never made it to the 2nd Level of The Triad of Unbreakable Confidence.  

So why do so many people fall apart once they move past the physical realm of confidence? And why do they turn to mind altering substances? What’s wrong with their minds?

There are things that will hinder your progress when it comes to gaining back your self confidence. Don’t worry, I’ll be here to help you out with your journey. If you’d like to learn more, check out the top-selling book Get High On Confidence by Chad Scott here.

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