It’s time for a serious talk about happiness. That elusive feeling we all chase. So often, we think winning a game, an election, or achieving something outside of ourselves will fill our joy tanks. But in reality, this kind of happiness is fleeting. It’s based on external factors, and sooner or later, we’re left with the same challenge: if we’re not genuinely content with our lives, if we’re not passionately pursuing our goals, or helping others and contributing to the greater good, that initial euphoria fades.
Here’s the real secret: happiness is an inside job.
Understanding External Wins and Happiness
When we win a game, an election, or achieve something we’ve been striving for, it feels amazing. But that feeling, that euphoria, is temporary. It’s based on something outside of ourselves. The victory is sweet, but soon enough, life returns to its usual rhythm, and the challenges we face remain. Research confirms that while external accomplishments provide a short-term boost in positive emotions, they don’t lead to lasting happiness and can leave us seeking new achievements to keep the high going1.
The joy of a win is fleeting, which means we need the next one to keep that feeling alive. We become dependent on circumstances outside of ourselves. And that’s an exhausting way to live.
The Temporary Nature of External Validation
- External validation is fleeting. One moment, you’re on top of the world; the next, you feel like you’ve lost everything.
- It’s dependent on others. Your happiness rests in the hands of other people’s opinions and actions.
- It’s a cycle. We continuously look for validation from others to prove our worth.
- It often leads to disappointment. When the validation doesn’t come, we may feel rejected or inadequate.
- It’s exhausting to maintain. Constantly seeking validation can be emotionally draining and ultimately harms mental health2.
Building Inner Happiness and Fulfillment
Find Your Passion
Find what truly drives you. It’s not about the wins or losses; it’s about the journey.
Be Self-Motivated
Motivate yourself. Don’t rely on others to do it for you. Take control of your journey and your life.
Practice Gratitude
Be grateful for what you have. Studies show that consistent gratitude practice can significantly increase long-term well-being3. Appreciate the small things—it can shift your entire perspective.
Stay Positive
Keep your head up. Stay positive even when things are tough. Positivity attracts more positivity.
Living for a Higher Cause
Are we living for a higher cause? Are we striving to make a difference in the world? Studies reveal that having a sense of purpose is directly linked to greater life satisfaction and reduced feelings of depression4. Contributing to the greater good brings a deep, lasting joy that transcends the temporary euphoria of any single win.
Imagine the joy of knowing you’re impacting people’s lives positively. Knowing you’re making a difference. Living a life in service to others.
Now, that’s true happiness.
Cultivating Integrity and Compassion
- Be honest with yourself and others.
- Show empathy and understanding.
- Practice kindness and compassion.
Integrity and compassion are foundations of true happiness. They give us purpose and guide us toward making a positive impact in the world.
Serving Others and Contributing to the Greater Good
How can we contribute to the greater good? By serving others. By using our skills and strengths to make a difference. We can volunteer for causes close to our hearts, help our neighbors, mentor others in our field, or simply be there for our friends.
The fulfillment and happiness derived from helping others are incomparable to any external win.
Embracing Challenges as Opportunities for Growth
Challenges are part of life. They’re inevitable. Instead of fearing them, why not see them as opportunities for growth? Every challenge we face teaches us something new and makes us stronger. Each time we overcome one, we grow.
So, let’s not shy away from challenges. Let’s embrace them. They’re not obstacles; they’re stepping stones to our growth and happiness.
Nurturing Sustainable Happiness
| Ways to Nurture Happiness | Examples |
|---|---|
| Develop a Positive Mindset | Practice gratitude, meditate |
| Cultivate Healthy Relationships | Spend quality time with loved ones |
| Engage in Activities You Enjoy | Hobbies, sports, arts |
Sustainable happiness comes from continuous effort. We need to nurture it, cultivate it, and protect it. It’s not about what’s happening outside us; it’s about how we view and experience our lives.
So, where does your happiness lie? Is it dependent on external circumstances, or is it deeply rooted within you? Life is a solo game. The real win lies in discovering true and lasting happiness within ourselves. Let’s work toward it, one step at a time. After all, happiness truly is an inside job. To learn more about shifting your mindset and upgrading your happiness check out our coaching programs here.
Footnotes
- Lyubomirsky, S., & Lepper, H. S. (1999). A measure of subjective happiness: Preliminary reliability and construct validation. Social Indicators Research, 46(2), 137-155. ↩
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497. ↩
- Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. ↩
- Steger, M. F., Frazier, P., Oishi, S., & Kaler, M. (2006). The meaning in life questionnaire: Assessing the presence of and search for meaning in life. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 53(1), 80. ↩
