In my last blog, we talked about picking a passion to either start or take things to the next level in order to conquer your first big domino. Now, let’s divulge into finding out the secret to self confidence.
Step 2 – Pick Your Teacher
We talked briefly about the importance of a mentor, coach or teacher earlier but this is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. As educator, world peace activist and recipient of over 180 honorary doctorates, Daisaku Ikeda declares:
“Without a mentor in life, one can easily succumb to folly, easily become self-centered, capricious and arrogant.”
The masters of all crafts and the titans of all industries would never have been successful without the guidance of a great mentor, coach or teacher. In personal development, Anthony Robbins had Jim Rohn and Jim Rohn had Earl Shoaff. In sports, Kobe Bryant had Michael Jordan and Michael Jordan had Dean Smith. In music, Jay Z had Jaz O (Jonathan Burks) and Madonna had Christopher Flynn. In business, Bill Gates had Warren Buffet and Warren Buffet had Benjamin Graham.
In ancient Asia back in the days of Ninjas warriors, when a sword fight was about to begin, the participants and onlookers primary concern was not the height, weight or experience of the fighters. What they were most concerned with was: Who is your Sensei? (AKA Who is your teacher). If one of the opponents trained from an elite master teacher, the other was considered to be at a major disadvantage.
At about the same time in history where ninja warriors existed, the 13th Century Japanese Sage Nichiren Daishonin summed up the critical nature of mentors, teachers, and coaches best by creating a most sublime analogy as follows:
“A blue fly, if it clings to the tail of a thoroughbred horse, can travel ten thousand miles, and the green ivy that twines around the tall pine can grow to a thousand feet.”
Bottom line?
If you want to succeed and build confidence, you’ll need to surround yourself with great mentors, teachers, and coaches who know way more than you do. Since this is so important let’s check out the Top 5 Master traits of a mentor, coach or teacher.
Top 5 Criteria For A Mentor, Coach or Teacher
- They tell you the truth when you’re ready to hear it but in a way that lands softly
While we all may be on a journey called life, not everyone is at the same point in that journey. A great teacher will take into account where you are on that journey and help you move to the next phase in a way that can be absorbed for ease of use.
So while an unskilled teacher may give you unfiltered advice that may feel like you’ve been hit on the head with a sledgehammer, a skilled teacher will prepare you to hear the truth with well thought out words, questions, and suggestions. And while an exceptional teacher is not there to hold your hand and cuddle you, they’re also not there to yell at you or talk down to you. This is the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
For example, someone who gives destructive criticism may say something like: “Who do you think you are” or “You always make blanket statements,” as if the recipient was permanently broken. These are character assassinations, which do not create any real value.
In contrast, an exceptional teacher who gives constructive criticism may say, “Look for any tendencies to over exaggerate” and “Be aware of blanket statements as some people may not relate to them.” Notice the exceptional teacher’s assumption that the student is not broken and capable of succeeding in the future. We’ll talk about this in detail in the 2nd Level of The Triad.
- They hold you accountable
When you fall off the path of forward motion, they will call this to your attention and hold you accountable for your actions.
- They’ve been there before
They’ve experienced overcoming major challenges and know first hand how to navigate the minefields and avoid disaster. These masters will be humble with loads of wisdom and will not feel the need to assert their opinion on everyone.
- They have the best tools
They have the tools to cut through the heavy vines of delusion that block your way through the jungle of deception and falsehood. Rather than short-term solutions that function like a Band-Aid, these tools will address the root of the problem and fix it for good. These tools will also provide the quickest path with the least amount of resistance to finding your buried treasure.
- They live by example
Not only will they teach you but their own lives will reflect this teaching, which will most certainly attract lots of truth seekers.
I’ve heard about several leaders who had reputations as wise and all knowing, but when I actually met them in person they were unhealthy, overweight and had lots of vices. While these so called gurus may have some great wisdom, they send mixed messages and create confusion amongst students. To avoid this pitfall it’s best to find someone who is living by example, especially in the area you want to be coached.
Once you’ve picked your area of focus, it’s time to find a resource or teacher where you can learn all about it. This could be a book, a school, an online course, one-on-one coaching or a group coaching program.
Time For Action
Pick your teacher, coach or mentor and make sure you use online resources like LinkedIn, Facebook, BBB, Amazon or Yelp to make sure your potential coach has good reviews and is legitimate. Now schedule this research with an accompanying deadline in your electronic calendar now.
For example, research potential coaches Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 7 pm to 8 pm. Set a deadline to decide within 14 days from today. Take action now!
To learn more about potential coaches, you can check out the top-selling book Get High On Confidence by Chad Scott here.
